could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
