Just fell off a train. Bad.
false alarm. still invincible.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
