He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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