It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
