Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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