Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
