she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
