After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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