Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
