Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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