just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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