Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
