I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
