like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
