i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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