Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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