marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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