i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
