Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Randomize
