Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You are a genius and a whore.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
