had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
