Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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