So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
