I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
