I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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