i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
