Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
