if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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