You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
