No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
