I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
