Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
