I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
