Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
