I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
