It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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