Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
