before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
