Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
