last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
