What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
