i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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