Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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