Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
