I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
