Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You ate ashes out of my bong
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
