He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
