Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
