He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
