You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
