we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Fuck appropriateness.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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