She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
bring money and cleavage
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
