my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Panties = found
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
